how come everybody only cares when your sad or when your mad or when your depressed or having a bad day? Theres always that handful of ppl who care about you no matter what but then when your like looking sad or pissed everyones your knew best friend. I haven't figured it out yet but Evans mad @ me again....he doesn't even act like he cares anymore...Like he can say girls are hott all day long and i dont get mad but when im like ah hes cute he like won't even talk 2 me. maybe im doing something wrong? i wouldn't know where 2 begin that list could be endless but i dont know...i wish that we could not fight or when we did fight it would be over things that need 2 be fought over...not the new 7th grader i showed around school 2day and i said he was sweet and he was kinda cute. I thought guys were suposed 2 trust their girlfriends not wait for them 2 screw up then say "well you'll just do this again" now if people haven't noticed everything i do screws up and backfires...im not very good @ a lot of things but i try my hardest and i guess sometimes thats not good enough. then when i tell him that i was talking about him he flips out...it might not even be bad i might just be seeking advice or something. But NOOO he automattically assumes that its bad...and he said this 2 me last night "assuming makes an ass out of you & me"  I still love him so so sooo much but if he could just believe that everybody screws up and sometimes other people get hurt in the process but get up and move on. I think he thinks that somehow some way that ill brake up w/ him again for Tyler...obviously he doesn't understand that won't be happening...and when i try 2 talk 2 him he just twists stuff around and when something doesn't go his way...ugh o well i still love him regaurdless of everything!

<3CarlyJane<3

i was thinking 2day....in 18 weeks i'll be a freshman..me & all my friends will be freshman...then the next yr ill be a sophmore then a junior and ill start looking @ colleges then ill be a senior...ill have a senior song ill be getting senior portraits ill be getting ready 2 go 2 college...its happening 2 fast...i know its 4 yrs away and i shouldnt be worried about it but im so scared things are gunna catch up w/ me when im not ready....ill be taking my sats i wont be ready for things when their ready for me....i wasnt even ready for Christmas this year and thats a good thing...what happens when graduation comes and i havent even found all my classes yet...what happens when my friends know what there doing and they leave me in the dust...Nicole has a good head on her shoulders...she knows what shes doing she wont have time 2 clean up all my messes just because i dont know what im doing w/ my life...Evan is the most care free person ive ever met and im always worrying about whether things will be good enough or not...what if he gets sick of my whining and finds somebody else...Kelsey knows everything she does is good enough cuz shes always giving her all 2 everything she does.....what if the people in my life i already dont deserve think IM not good enough...what if they want someone better than me...someone who knows whats going on whos on top of things and not always struggling 2 get on top....i really hope my friends know how much i lvoe them and that there my WHOLE LIVES right now....what if Scott gets 2 good for me...what if everyone decides there 2 good for me...what if my mom just stops supporting me what if everything in my life goes the total oppisite way then i want it 2...what if everything goes wrong next year...im so scared i dont wanna loose anybody i have in my life right now... but then again...what if everything goes right....im still w/ evan when i graduate me & nicole & kelsey are still best friends ..what if everything DOES go right....then ill never know what its like 2 have things not go my way....im so lost dazed and confused...i dont know where 2 turn to where 2 run or if i should just stay where i am...sometimes i wish that i could have an older sister i could talk 2 about this kinda stuff...cuz i know my older sister would go off and tell Rhonda who would tell my dad who would tell my Mom and sometimes i dont want my mom 2 be in my life all the time...i just want someone 2 talk 2...someone older who maybe felt what i do when they were my age....that scared but excited feeling...ah i dont know maybe i should just stop worrying and let stuff happen...

theres a difference between loving someone and being in love right? cuz when you say " i love my friends" and "im in love w/ my boyfriend" theres a difference right? cuz you can love someone w/o being in love...that love where all you wanna do is be w/ that one person...be near them touch them kiss them hug them even being in the same room as them....you try 2 explain but words couldnt express this AmAzInG feeling that only you could feel cuz w/ that person you can be yourself.....you can trip over there lil brothers crap and not feel stupid...you can fall flat on your face have dirt all over you and they still think your the most beautiful person theyve ever set eyes on....that you get soooo jealous when they even look @ somebody else in that "way" that everytime you get in a fight no matter who started ...you always end up apoligizing..when they think it pisses you off but you absolutely adore the way he "always has 2 be right" no matter what the circumstances....i guess people still think being 13 and being in love dont go 2gether but i dont care what anybody thinks...this is what love is....never being able 2 think about another thing...not being able 2 concentrate when your trying 2 study for a test...having a class w/ them where the teacher is soo mean but regaurdless of what she says i always have 2 turn around and talk 2 him...the way i miss him after he just dropped me off 15 minutes earlier...how in every picture i have of the 2 of us i have the biggest smile on my face...no matter what kind of day im having he always makes me smile...its amazing....i guess this is what being "in love" feels like and no matter what it never goes away....but theres a difference right? i think there is...cuz im so in love w/ my evan but i just love my girlies!

well im kinda sick of typing but ill write later...thnx 4 listening...who ever does!

<3Love Always<3

         -*CarlyJane*-

hey yall....so ive been thinking about this xanga thing...its so much easier than writing in a diary cuz im always on the internet anyway...but what happens when your xanga gets in2 the hands of ppl you dont want it 2...then it goes kablewie...yah well that happened 2 me...i wrote some stuff about my stepmom and my stepsister and my mom and gary and it got 2 them...now i hurt my sisters feelings and i think my mom is mad cuz i wrote about her & gary..but o well

parents always say..."you can talk 2 me about anything hunny thats what im here for" but @ the same time your thinking...NO I CANT! if i tried you wouldnt understand if its not what you wanna hear you just tune us out..now i think all teenagers have the same problem but some are just different...now those of you that are privledged enough 2 read this know all about my family life so i wont explain, my stepmom calls my mom and tells her this whole big thing about my xanga and everything...i personally think she shoulda come 2 me first but thats her...shes just a bitch...its like "hey rhonda, just incase you didnt ruin my life enough after marrying my dad after what A DAY?! you decided 2 share my diary w/ my mom b4 sharing it w/ me..." its like they think were old enough 2 handle the truth but then when it comes time for the truth they go behind our backs...its like they think they understand "well we were kids once we know what your going thru" its like "well you sure as hell dont act like it" yes we act immature but you did 2 when you were a teenager so give us some credit... they act like were perfect but then we can never seem 2 do anything right in there eyes...its always black when we want white or always gray when we want black....they act like we dont matter when they say 2 always share our opinions! i dont understand how they expect us 2 act like adults when they dont give us the oppertunity 2 handle adult situations they think we can't handle..its like hey mom its my life if i wanna screw it up let me...if i wanna make bad choices let me...its not your job 2 shelter us from the world its your job 2 teach us how 2 take care of ourselves once were out in the real world! i think they think "well we had it much worse" then let us have it much worse if you think we have it 2 good...now i know when im a mom ill act the exact same way but this is me being 13 not 42...for the love of pete...lets get real...let us have some oppurtunity 2 proove we can do stuff for ourselves...you let us feed and clothe ourselves...let us handle our lives w/o your help for just a second...ugh! so 2 sum that all up...i think they have us all wrong...and whoever invented this xanga thing...you are my idol!!if i didnt have this thing i would be an even bigger bitch than i already am...ok im out

CarlyJane

xanga

hey guys!i started this new one cuz other ppl got in2 my old one i didnt want 2 so this ones only for the ppl i want it to be for! so its new years eve and me & nicole are hangin out....my resolution >2 be nicer 2 ppl and not explode right away and not hold as many grudges and 2 stay in shape< so im gunna fly! later loverz

I Love Evan!!

CarlayJanie